DOULA’S DIARY
CHANGING SHOES – CLASS ONE
The concept of “Changing Shoes” comes from a Ram Dass quote, “Death is absolutely safe: It’s like taking off a tight shoe.” In session one, our 13 participants embarked on a profound journey into the themes of death, dying, and the afterlife. The session began with a symbolic gesture of leaving one’s shoes at the door, marking entry into personal and emotional exploration of these themes.
Laurie’s Insights
Our guide for the session, Laurie Schutt, introduced us to the concept of an end-of-life or death doula. Unlike a birth doula who helps a mother and family welcome a new life, a death doula assists individuals as they transition out of their physical bodies. She explained, “End-of-life doulas are not hospice workers who offer clinical care and pain management, but instead they help the patient and loved ones understand the dying process and plan for it. Doulas provide emotional, spiritual and practical support to the patient and their loved ones.
Course Structure
The course is divided into four parts, each designed to help class members explore their feelings about and experiences with death. In the first class, participants discussed their feelings about death and shared how they would want to be remembered when they pass. The second and third classes will explore the afterlife. The remaining sessions will delve into the planning process using resources such as the “Five Wishes.” This document gives the patient the opportunity to lay out his/her wishes such as: who can make care decisions; that kind of medical treatment the individual wants or doesn’t want; how comfortable he/she wants to be; how the patient wants people to treat them and what they want their loved ones to know. Other topics will include the signs and stages in process of dying, the disposal of one’s remains, non-medical pain control such as reiki, sound healing, music, journaling and more.
Guest Speaker: Cheyenne Mease
Cheyenne Mease, author of “Because it Matters: A Guide to Getting Your Life in Order before You Die,” highlighted the importance of financial planning for death. She shared numerous stories from her book about individuals who did not have their financial affairs in order or their final wishes spelled out, including an attorney who passed without a will! Mease stressed that emotional work and planning pay off by providing reassurance to the dying person, knowing who will take care of their responsibilities.
Class Discussions and Attendees
The class included a diverse group of attendees, each with unique experiences and perspectives on death. Among them were a death doula in training, an 87-year-old with her daughter, a hospice nurse dealing with both parents facing the end of life, and a woman seeking to find beauty in her mother’s death. Others had near-death experiences or were with parents who were terrified at the end, which deeply affected them.
Personal Stories and Reflections
Attendees shared personal stories, including one woman who lost a baby sibling at age nine and was not allowed to attend the funeral. This experience led her as an adult to comfort others who lost babies. Laurie guided the group through exercises like describing oneself with three adjectives at their funeral and exploring family values, rituals, and traditions around dying.
Conclusion
The session concluded with attendees sharing their stories with vulnerability and a touch of laughter. Laurie emphasized the importance of having a chosen person who knows and will carry out one’s wishes for arrangements. The next session is scheduled for October 28, the last Tuesday in October.